I told her, “You know how sometimes people say, Oh man, I’ve really lost it. Well, I was wondering, if they lost it, and you found it, could you just keep it as a spare? If so, where would you put it? If you added it to yours then you would have twice as much, right? Then if you yourself lost it, you would be okay. Of course, if someone loses it, and then finds out you found it, but then you re-lost it, you might have to give them yours, and then you really will have lost it. Then somebody might find out that you lost it, and want to sell it back to you, or maybe they give it to a friend. A lot of our friends lose it, so this act of charity is understandable.
“I lost it the other day, and I went to the lost and found at the Port Authority, and they seemed to understand as they just kept nodding their heads. They said they didn’t have it, but would make a phone call, then told me, “Sir, we have some people coming who can help you find it.” Such nice people, and I was super happy about this, because I had no idea where I might have put it, but thought they might bring dogs to help sniff it out. They didn’t. They took me to this place where they keep other people who have lost it. A kind of lost, but no-found center.
“Anyway, the first guy I meet is the one who lost it, and I found it, and then had to give him mine. So, I asked him, ‘What happened?’ He said he lost it again. I thought that was really irresponsible. I mean, it’s one thing for you to lose it, but then you take mine, and lose that too? Well, I was not very happy, and would have lost it right there had I had it to lose again in the first place.
“Frustrated, there was only one thing to do. I called my mom. I asked her if I could borrow hers to get me out of this place, and promised to give it right back. She said she lost it a long time ago, but nobody could tell the difference, but she understood, and would see if she knew anybody who could help. She did. She sent my cousin, who never ever lost it, and when he came down, he let me borrow his, and so, since I found it, they let me out, but put him in. As soon as I got out I gave it back to my cousin, and they made us switch places once more. Apparently you can’t share it, so you either have it, or you don’t.
“As a last resort, I went to the library they had there, and found an article by a team of researchers who were always looking for it. They had an experimental program that I applied for. They were looking for transplant volunteers, and there was a long list of the willing, but not a lot of donors. I guess those who have it want to keep it, and believe that no matter what, they can take it with them. The team though came up with an artificial it that they grew in a lab, and if I was willing to sign some papers, they would proceed with the, uhmm, procedure.
“I was, and did, but first I had a number of questions. Like, one, if I underwent the procedure would it look real, could people tell the difference, and most importantly, would girls know? They said, not as long as you kept it fully charged, and suggested that I carry fresh batteries. Also, they were working on a wifi model connected to a cloud storage system so no one could ever actually lose it again. Until then, they were going to attach a GPS tracking devise, just in case.
“Well, I underwent the procedure, and not only did they have it, and put it back in the exact place where I had lost it, but it was like they had super charged it, and I had more of it than ever. It felt great!
“In a practically ecstatic state, I ran out of that place, and really just had a need to share my joy with the world. You know how it is. I stood at the edge on top of the tallest building, and yelled out to the whole city proclaiming my excitement. The police came, there were fireman below spreading nets, and helicopters circling above. Newsmen and camera crews, and lots of spectators all around apparently all wanting to feed off my newfound love of, well, everything. Everybody except this one guy, this one who was trying to talk to me. I over heard him mumble to the other officials there, ‘This guy has really lost it.’
“I smiled brightly at the shiny badges all around me, and exclaimed, “No, just the opposite. I found it! I really found it! Want some?”